Disturbed Musings

Exit, Stage Left - Part II

After having planned the minute details of my suicide, I decided to focus my energies on my funeral. Unfortunately, I cannot decide between my final 2 ideas:

1. To have my corpse wired with animatronics - you know, like those creepy ass talking puppets at Disney World. I figure I could be wired to sit up in my coffin right before the preacher finishes speaking. It would be nice to say some words on my own behalf. Perhaps I could be wired to point at the person implicated from my suicide plans and say "HIM..."
2. Pinata Party! The way I look at it, there's never anything for the kids to do at funerals - and as anyone who's ever talked to a soccer mom for more than 5 minutes knows, it's all about the children. I'll have my body stuffed in a pinata(I might have my body dismembered for an easier fit - I'll experiment first), which will hang over my cemetary plot; once the kids break the pinata, I'll fall into my resting place as a mexican trumpet solo breaks out. Not a dry eye in the house.

posted by Chris Jefferies @ 9:16 AM